Friendship; Losing yet Gaining.

I chose this as my first topic because I have seen so many posts and heard so many people talking about losing friendships lately. It is one of the things I feel like can make life seem just a little harder, when you are looking at it from one perspective. The world tells us we need others, we need to fit in somewhere. We need people to think we have the best friends, the best lives, the best of the THINGS of the world, so that people will want to be friends with us. Were told we need to be THEIR opinion of fun, adventurous, go out, drink, let loose, have time with friends. Not to just be stuck in the family part of life or you will sink when you don’t make time for yourself. They tell us if we have no friends or no one to be there for us in the hard times, it makes it almost impossible to make it out of those dark places. It can feel that way. 100% I have been there, felt that. I kept telling myself, these friends have been there through everything. They know everything I have been through that I talked about in my first post. They never judged me, they never thought less of me, they loved me through it all. I would also tell myself, to keep them, I need to keep that part of me that got them to begin with. Most of them began at the times where I was going out and doing all the partying, sleeping around, and just going with whatever. It got to where, even if I didn’t really want to drink, I felt like I just need to message them and ask if they want to go out to eat and have drinks, or have a night out and end up at the bars to have fun and act like we were back in our prime just to have time spent with them, to still be able to keep them close to me, and to just keep that sense of friendship going with them. This is the part I feel like most get stuck in. They want to keep up the persona that they can go be “fun”, that they have it all together, can do all the going out and drinking, smoking, and live a happy, healthy, stress-free life. Not just going out and causing more tension in your life, with yourself, and God, changes things.  You can for a while, until it gets to be too much to have to live up to.

One reason being, we are getting older. No matter how bad we do not want to admit it, how bad we want to keep the young, free, can-do anything attitude. Our bodies are not as youthful as they once were, we can not recover after an all nighter like we use to and be at our full potential to be with our families the next day. I do not care who says they can at our age, you feel like an absolute dumpster fire the next day no matter how well you hide it and push through it to do what you can for everyone. Yeah, you made it through the next day, but what if, hears a thought, that my brain took forever to comprehend too, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT. You do not have to go out when you need time to yourself, to recharge, when you just are at your wits end and need a BREAK. You do not have to feel like your body has been hit by a truck the next day just to have that time to make sure your friends and others know you still can hang with them and yall can keep the friendship like it use to be. You can go eat, get a dang sweet tea, or a virgin of whatever mixed drink tickles your fancy. You can set up your living room with music and lights, and your true friends will not need to be tipsy to just be goofy and dance and “let loose” together, if going to dance at the bars and stuff is your thing you like to do. I personally, liked the bars, but preferred to just drink, ride the backroads, and sing all night. So, when we go to eat or something, we can take the back roads to and from, and yeah, I may annoy the mess out of my husband doing it, but he turns up the music and ill sing my little heart out in every accent that comes to me, trying to sound like the singers of whatever song is on, and he just giggles and loves it. (Even if he says he doesn’t) I can testify that getting a sitter for the kids, maybe go eat, but go back home, read your bible, take notes, use all the highlighters, pray, take a hot bubble bath with candles lit, bath salts, with some Lauren Daigle playing, and spending that time to actually rest and recharge, is the way to do it. I have felt at peace more, not been exhausted feeling every day, not worrying as much over every little thing. When you get to the point where your tired of trying to get through the next day, or two, or three…. Make those changes that fit you and your friends, or your husbands’ ways of having “fun” and spending time together.

Secondly, your friends can be the ones that cause more stress, more bad choices, put you in more bad positions, and just lead you farther away from what you were called to do by God with your life. Those that will only come and hang out if there is drinking, or smoking, or whatever it is that the world says is what we need to do to have fun. They are not worth it. If you have told them that you need this change in your life, that you want a better life for yourself, and your kid, your family, and they do not understand, or respect it, leave them where they are. They will either follow your lead or stay in the same spot they are in for however long it takes for them to seek that in their lives, and for God to be able to show them the journey he has in place for them. God tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and this does make it hard, because when God has shown up for you, and you’ve given all you have up to follow him, in his plan and not your own, and start to see the changes in your own life, all you want is for those you love to do the same so that they can see and know what you now see and know! I just want to shout it, tell everyone, even ones I have had done me wrong that I still have love for in my heart, and have forgiven. They are the ones I want to have this change the most. Jesus came for those in need of a physician, not those who have it all together. When someone has hurt me, I know that its something in them that they need help with. Because when I have hurt others, it was something I had to change in myself, that God ultimately changed. Knowing that He can change that in myself, and knowing He can change it in others, where they will not hurt anyone else in that way, who would not want that to happen? I pray for those friends that I have had to step back from daily. I still check in on them, talk with them when they are going through hard times, invite them to church, but that does not mean we have to keep going and doing those things that kept us in that in places we worked so hard to get out of, for the sake of having them say, that is my best friend. Praying for them, makes you more of a friend and lover of your neighbor than going along with the world. Some people will not take that sign to change, or break their own cycles of dysfunction, until you do. You could be the sign of change they are needing to see to take those steps that lead to everlasting life, and following where God leads them, and living by His standards. Tell them about it, show them in the way you live, and the changes that come in your life, and let God do the rest. Whatever choices they make after seeing and hearing, are not on your heart.

Even if you do not have one good friend that comes on this journey with you, be alone for a while, be with just your kids and husband for a while, seek Jesus, go to Him in prayer with everything. You are His friend; he is just waiting on you to show up to the party. While doing all of this, I promise you, that friend you really do need will come along. Mine just happened to be there, ALL ALONG. I mean since sophomore year of high school, this girl has been my rock. We had time throughout the years where we did not see each other much, and were not as close, we were both going with the world for a bit and doing things we knew were wrong. She came from a different family though, and she would carry me along with her into church on Wednesdays and Sundays when we happened to be together those days, because she was going. Every Sunday and Wednesday. No matter what. Yes, there are people going through those phases, where they are going to church while doing the worldly things, I was doing it too. You see it and your like, well I do not want to do that and be a hypocrite, I do not want to go to church if I am going to still be drinking on the weekends and cannot fully commit to changing. I will go ahead and tell you, if you know that when you get into church and start learning more, that you will be led to not doing those things, your just not ready to give it all up. You already know the truth, you are just choosing not to live it, and when that day comes and you pass away or Jesus comes to save us all, you will not be going up with him. Yep, it is hard to hear, and hard to take in and fully understand. But it is the truth, the cold hard truth. If you know, then you know, and nope, you will not go. Anyways, I did not get that until this past year, when all these changes in life started happening, which is why I am doing this, so now ya know and cannot say ya do not. So, Sarah, my bestie for the restie, my go to, my always and forever friend. She was with me in the depths of most spots, she helped me with the kids, she was there when she got out of it all and made those changes for her life and got married and decided that life was over for her, and I still did not. I stayed lost for years after, with her telling me, over and over, what changes and steps to take. I just thought I knew better because I mean who does not? The cycle me and my husband were stuck in, not getting it right, she was there through it all, she saw and heard it all, and never gave up on me. I would call her up, she would tell me to come over, and she would have a hot bubble bath with the candles, music, and a glass of wine waiting for me, and to listen, and be my shoulder to cry on every single time. Even when she was just over it, thinking nothing would change for me at times I am sure, because I was just so stubborn and set in my ways. The last couple fights me, and my husband had been having were rough, and like I said, we were on the verge of divorce, but we were both seeking and longing for guidance. Sarah and Brandon, her husband, my cousin, were our people, who had done this, who knew. We knew they knew the truth and what we needed to do. We started going to church with them, and the pastor there is Sarahs uncle. He also led and helped us. We had to take that step to fully give everything we thought up, and to only follow God, before we would see the whole truth though. But they led us there, and I do not know where we would be without them.  That is the only friend you need, that will help you, in any way for the good, and will be with you till the end. Not the ones that can make it to the end of the night out partying with you, but the ones who will be there with you when we make it to our mansions in Heaven.

Prayer.

I pray God gives you the peace and comfort in the times of losing friendships. I pray that he gives you the courage, and confidence in Him, to know that even when letting go of those you need to, you are not alone, and they will either join you or they will not, but that God has a plan for them as well. I pray that you decide to take those steps, and make those changes, for yourself and your family, that it may be the blessing those friends need to see to change theirs. Lord, just be with whoever is reading this, whatever path they take, if its not now, then that they will have the time they need to decide to before that day comes when it is too late. I pray you forgive us as we forgive those friends who do not make the best choices, who have hurt us, and that we can all move past them, without the thought of what they ever did to us overshadowing the main thing that we are here on this earth to do to do for you, love everyone, as ourselves. Amen.